Moments of Zen

There are two wolves battling inside all of us. One is joy and hope. The other is sadness and despair. Which one wins? ....

So the last 48 hours or so has seen me having to dig deep on not letting the miserable conditions get the better of me. On one hand we have had phenomenal sailing wind, but with good winds comes big seas and boy have we been seeing that in spades. Generally there is a rhythm to the swell but every so often we just get nailed by a big wave. Maple has taken more waves over her bow this passage than I think she ever saw on two ocean crossings combined.

Generally when we sail the conditions allow us to have at least the main salon hatches open slightly or the bathroom portholes open that allow some air flow through the boat. In fact I believe we never had to close the salon hatches during either ocean crossing. But with the conditions we are seeing on this passage all the hatches have to be locked tight. The main sliding door is left open but when sailing upwind that doesn't allow the wind to come inside the boat. This means that Maple is outrageously stuffy and warm. This translates into me feeling nauseous the second I cross the threshold. It means cooking needs to be done strategically to allow me to get a breath of fresh air every so often. Meanwhile, the girls will sit inside watching movies the entire day!! I don't know how they pull it off. However, every so often Iris will come join me on the helm seat, snuggle her entirely too warm body against mine and hold me for a minute or two while she cools down before returning to the hot box that is Maple.

This morning Ella said to me, "There are two wolves inside all of us. One is joy and hope. The other is sadness and despair. Which one wins?... Depends which one you feed." My wise 13 year old was reminding me to feed the joy.

So instead of feeding the wolf of despair, I am feeling grateful for the strength Maple continues to demonstrate in difficult conditions. Overwhelming gratitude for a partner who keeps my spirits lifted with his eternal optimism even when my despair wolf is taking the lead. Laughing with Ella when twice this morning she received an unintended salt water shower when she decided to sit on the windward side of the cockpit. Feeling my heart brim over with love when Iris gives me a giant, toothy grin and the dive symbol for "Ok?" every time she sees me. And of course remembering how fortunate I am to be on this remarkable journey with my family.

I hope everyone today has found a moment to feed their wolf of joy and hope!!!